Rhetorical Why's of a Noisy Day

Today included a myriad of noisy activities and encounters...some of which left me with some burning questions that need to be asked (albeit rhetorically) before I can lay me down to sleep:

1.  Why does a man, who has hundreds (probably thousands) of various tools and bits and pieces lying around the house (and shed and trunk of the car), search through every drawer and cupboard in the KITCHEN to find a KITCHEN utensil to fix something that could (and should) easily be fixed by one of his hundreds/thousands of tools (one of which was probably made specifically for that purpose)???

2.  Why does the toilet paper always run out when I'm in the bathroom...I'm a little suspicious...I mean, I don't think it's coincidence that there is almost always just one thin flimsy little sheet left. And does my husband actually believe that it's useable?

3.  Why do people walk in the middle of the road when there are perfectly good sidewalks on either side? I can understand the reasoning when it's winter and the sidewalks haven't been cleared yet, but on a perfectly fine summer day, why? This morning it was like driving through a labyrinth, trying to drive around the people walking in the street. Most of them had earphones in their ears and heads down, fingers texting, so honking was useless. If you're going to walk and text, at least do it on the sidewalk. And please don't give us the finger when we honk to let you know that we're there and don't want to hit you while you're meandering into our path.

4.  Why do telemarketers only call at supper time? I know, it's probably known to be the best time to find somebody at home, and I understand they have to make their living. But we've recently moved our supper back 15 minutes for various good reasons...one of the benefits of doing so was to be finished eating by the time the telephone rings. But now they're calling us 15 minutes earlier!! Do they have hidden cameras in our house? How do they know that precise moment when we sit down to eat?!

5.  Speaking of telephones, I don't like telephones. Our telephone sits on hubby's side of the couch, so he normally answers. Our phone doesn't ring all that often these days, but if it only rings once during the entire day, it will usually ring the moment my husband steps out the door. Do they have hidden cameras in our house too?!

6.  Why does my husband only fall asleep (and snore) during the shows that I pick? It's not even as if I choose boring programs, I always try to choose shows that he enjoys too. If HE picks that show one night, he stays awake, if I choose the same program the next night, he falls asleep. And snores. So loudly I can barely hear the TV. Hmmmm.

7. And finally, why does my husband prefer my side of the bed? It doesn't matter how big the bed is (eg, we love getting king-size beds when we sleep in hotels), he always manages to keep drifting further and further over to my side, until I'm practically sleeping on the very edge. Then when I nudge him back over to his own side, he takes all the blankets with him, usually leaving a few of his infamous farts behind.

Sigh. Clanging of kitchen utensils; squeaking of the empty toilet paper holder; cars honking; telephones ringing; prime time snoring; sneaky farts...a day full of noisy living, a day of living fully alive.

And I'm glad I'm alive to hear every moment of it.